nut hugger
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
