She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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