Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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