If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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