i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
