Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
