After last night, I could never be a politician.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
