On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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