apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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