Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
