you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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