I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
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Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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