hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??