I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.