Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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