I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize