i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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