If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
