my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
