So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
