Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
