So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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