$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
