But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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