ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
