He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
