Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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