remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love having hate sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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