I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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