**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
