so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
