It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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