Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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