Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize