why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
