i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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