I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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