I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
