I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
