she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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