There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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