So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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