It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
