Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
