Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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