Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
