i think my mom watched the whole time
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
