i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When are your genitals available?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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