He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
