I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
