just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
