Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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