Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
