so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
