I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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