I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize