So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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