maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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